Taken away

I heard my boss call 911 and knew an ambulance was coming for a good friend at work. He has a history of heart problems so it wasn't that surprising. Knowing the guy, I knew he hated the fuss.


So instead of checking on him and probably crowding into the room where he works with eleven other people, I went out to the entrance to flag down the ambulance. The one productive thing I could do.


Walking past them onto the gravel path that leads to the parking lot, I heard the not so faint sound of the siren start. It didn't fade into hearing. It just started. The fire house being just over a mile away, I knew the truck was coming for my friend.

In flat Miami, streets are straight and long. In the distance came a black bubble. It seemed like a long time coming, but they made it and about 30 minutes later they left with my friend on a stretcher. He was sitting up, almost looking like he was sitting on a tall chaise lounge by the pool. It cheered me a little. And he is doing better, although still in the ICU.

I went back to work. I emptied the worry out of my mind and let work fill it. It's what kept me sane on 9/11. I made myself productive both times and many other times.


If you allow it, work can make you feel productive not so helpless at times like this; even mindless tasks accomplishes something. If you can't do anything about the larger picture, it helps to some impact on even a much, much smaller part.


Work is resilient. Someone leaves temporarily or permanently, intentionally or unintentionally and work will engulf the vacant spot. No one ever really fills the void the exact same way. Work changes around it, whether a factor of personality, skills, different expectations or shifting demands. Given time it's no longer a void, the ex-employee would no longer fit in the way they once did.


Maybe that's why I almost always do the work that I would've done on a vacation before vacation. I don't want my void filled while I'm gone. Not that any one's looking to fill my void, it's just a void is like a vacuum; the nature of work will always work to fill it. I guess I'm a little scared that I won't fit in upon my return.


You can be an alcoholic without binging. So I may represent the true definition of a workaholic. The actual number of hours worked matters little. The level of social life outside of work isn't the biggest factor. How much you need the mental stimulation found at work may be the key.



Today I needed the stimulation to avoid worrying. Tomorrow I'll go back to simply craving the stimulation.



Do I need a hobby. Why can't work be a hobby?

Question 3 of your FAQs:

What happened to Ursiline?
Adding to the corporate cultural quirks, no AT&Ter asked the question for the answer is a given.

That's because during AT&T's heyday in the 90's there were over 120,000 employees in the state of New Jersey.* NJ's not a huge state. Think of how many buildings were required to house that many people. Think of Holmdel, the huge monolithic AT&T Labs building where you could line two football fields up in its atrium. The football fields don't even count for the offices that branched out from the atrium.

The building was so huge that newcomers to that building would park their car on one end of the building not realizing the person's office they were visiting was on the other side of the building. After the meeting, looking for a fast exit out of the dark and deary place, the person would rush to the closest exit then spend a half an hour in the wrong parking lot looking for their car. If the golf carted parking security guard didn't notice them, the Holmdel police would call the guard to go pick up the person who called in the 'stolen vehicle' report.

So the answer to the question of Ursiline's current whereabouts is: I have no idea. I would've had a hard time finding her two years after the project with the company splintering in so many ways: mobile, cable, NCR (we bought'em then pushed them off), Lucent Technologies, Avaya..., each with their own 'headquarters' - HR, marketing and R&D to name only a few.

To say I asked a current employee to check the various and asundry directories to find her would mean asking them to put their job on the line. So let's just say hypothetically, she wasn't found.

I googled her. Unlike Cher, the Ursiline I knew didn't come up. I didn't know there were nuns named Ursulines, now I do.

I'd feel bad for her, but know I'm in the same situation. My 'secret' co-worker that gave me the choice of receiving the project cancellation via email or by paper has - over time - occasionally probably wondered what happened to me. In theory he could go back to our old cubicle city, but not only am I long gone but so are you - moves, new positions within the company, retirements and yes ex-employees.

*In time, AT&T would regret this huge concentration of employees for the mere fact of representation. Oh sure, you got both ears of the NJ governor and the state's delegates to Congress, but what interest would the Texas delegation have in talking with you? Sure you have sales offices all over the state, just like IBM, HP, etc. But IBM and HP had administrative offices. More numbers, more votes, more ears. It's true we had lots of central offices for all the networking equipment, but central offices don't vote.

Question 2 of your FAQs:

Question 2 of your FAQs: Why would I work on a project that my VP cancelled?
First off I hadn't been officially told of the cancellation. The VP thought someone in another division was participating not me. The other group got the cancellation memo and let me know. They gave me the option of receiving an email of the memo (paper trail) or picking up a copy. I choose to pick one up, meaning I never officially got the memo. I wasn't being obstinate; I was buying time.

HR had picked up 5% of my headcount for the project and in a land where a lay-off was never that far off, you make it harder for them to lay you off if you're working for three groups (not for any reason that I was so unreplaceable that three groups had dibs on me, but because it made for a lot of paperwork of the kind that made the people doing the lay-offs move on). Also the fact that one of your three groups was HR was a big bonus. HR never lays-off.

I need to explain the other two groups: one a marketing division and the other an R&D division. I would've loved to worked entirely for the R&D division but they weren't suppose to have marketing people working for them, plus their offices were near the expensive Jersey shore. I would've never been able to afford a house there.

For almost twenty years I worked for one R&D VP who always had the lead on new products and services. Much more exciting to work a launch on workflow automation, web site hosting, application programs, etc. than to work a new T1 line that has exciting asymetrical data push (vs symmetrical, trust me that was exciting for the T1 crowd). T1 is a big thick cable that is used from a business to the local central office. Chances are your office uses T1s for phones and data.

The R&D VP picked up between 40-49% of my headcount, never more than 49%. If the percent went greater than 49 then he would have to claim one whole marketing headcount when he wasn't suppose to have a marketing headcount.

So the other percent was picked up over time by various and asundry marketing VPs. In R&D when funding issues came up, you discussed dollars. In marketing, you discussed headcount. And the talk wasn't about, heah Sam you have 30 headcount and you only need 29. It was more, Sam you're a VP what are you doing if you only have 30 headcounts. Such a small group can be merged into another VP's division. We don't need you.

So the reason why the marketing VP got so mad at the HR VP was that HR took their 5% headcount off of marketing books. In effect the marketing VP lost a headcount. Never good. By ignoring the cancellation, it bought HR time to do the paperwork to move the 5% onto the R&D books. Everybody gets happy.

Woody Allen was wrong. Just showing up for work isn't 80% of the job.

Who said it had to make sense?

Question 1 of your FAQs

When hosting a party you should either invite all AT&Ters or no more than a quarter AT&Ters. Mostly because if we talk about work, it's incomprehensible. So don't talk about work? We find it hard not to do, for me even seven years after taking early retirement.

Question 1 of your FAQs: What happened to the journal?
I saw what was supposed to be the finished piece. The 'journal entries' were typed in a handwriting font that third grade teachers would use on posters over their chalkboards to show how to write in script. Each 'entry' was typeset on what looked to be a yellow post-it note that hung at a slant in the margins of the overall brochure. I didn't recognize my writing, which I expected. And I didn't recognize the events 'detailed' which I don't know why I did expect. Including the dates, there were about 250 words used. I hope Ursiline wasn't paid by the word.

At the time it ignited a guessing game for what Ursiline had actually done. I contend that the project actually started as this big journal thing and over the year it got whittled done to six post-it notes. When I think of how many of my projects started big and just dissipated, this is the most viable answer.

Common sense didn't stop other guesses. Guess two was that Ursiline was actually doing a study on how marketing people work and may have submitted the findings as proof of marketing inefficiencies and the need to lay-off marketing people in general.

The third and final guess was that Ursiline had a crush on me.

I know for a fact that she had a pet rat

Apparently Ursiline requires further explanation. She always did.

I saw photos of the rat, in his cage with the same drip water bottle that hamsters have (before you ask, rats don't like hamster wheels). I saw a photo of the rat being cuddled by Ursiline, and it was too close to her face for my comfort.

The photos were too real to fake.

I did not, however, see a photo of the dead rat for which I am grateful. However, this raises a doubt that I would submit to you as proof of Ursiline's genius.

Just the facts:
Here's what we know of Ursiline. Every Friday for a year, she met with me to go over my journal. For the first six weeks (I may be off a couple of weeks) she wore clothes in a rainbow of colors. One time she turned many a head when she managed to pack every known color into one shoulder-to-toe jumper. Then one Friday, when I wasn't expecting her, she showed up in black.

Because some of us worked in the same cubicle city, you could tell this story as well as I. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Of course the first thing you're going to ask is why she wore black. With that question, she broke down and sobbed about her pet rat dying. It took an hour to comfort her and for Ursiline to pull herself together.

She wore black every week after that until the unfortunate color-coordination incident* when she changed to white.

The white-clad Ursiline got the journal finished. Ursiline completed the project, dragging me over the finish line with it.

Hypothesis
Remember the day Ursiline first showed up in black, I wasn't expecting her because my VP had gotten mad at the HR VP and canceled the project.

When Ursiline did show up, I concluded that she hadn't gotten the memo. Distracted by her pet rat news, I waited to tell her about the cancellation. When I did, she got even more upset. The project was important to her, there was no longer a living being (yeah, rats are a living being) that truly cared for her, was it asking too much to share my thoughts with her, etc. etc. I said I'd do it considering it didn't take much effort for me to do the journal. Ursiline took truly raw material (my hand-written Bell Lab books) and made it happen.

My theory is that Ursiline knew the project was canceled and did the theatrical performance of the year to convince me to stay on the project. She stayed in black (or at least during our meetings, since her HR office was miles away) just in case I wanted to back out.

Just like I was and still am proud of my ability to get marketing materials created, completed and distributed, I believe Ursiline did what she had to do to get the journal started, edited and distributed. I doubt anything short of what she did could've saved the project.

Her true genius showed in her selection of what or who died. Had she said her husband we would've wondered why she was still at work. A cousin, I would have been suspicious of the long-term wearing of black clothes. But her pet rat that I had seen such loving photos of, well that was so odd but so fit Ursiline. That it made it perfect.

I did ask her if Ursiline was her first name or last. I wasn't being catty. AT&T's email names held to the formula of firstname.lastname@att.com. Ursiline's email was simply mailto:ursiliene@att.com. In answer to my question, she told me it was both first and last like Cher. That was Ursiline.

*Months into the project, I thought I could help Ursiline back on track at least clothing wise. She claimed she wasn't in mourning clothing any more. Ursiline felt that black just fit her mood. And yes her mood was black because of her missing pet rat. I suggested, in a very nice way I thought, that she should think about wearing white because her pet rat (I can't remember its name) was white. (Here's where we disagree) she didn't take offense at my suggestion but did take offense at the suppressed laughter heard in cubicle city when she said “who's ever heard of wearing clothes to match your rat?”

Aptly named - writing conference

Going to a writers' conference is a great idea. I did have my doubts as the reality of it hit me last week. Before going to a writing conference, you send in some of your work. With tomorrow's deadline approaching, I had to work hard to submit the required writing samples.

It was a bit of a scramble. So excited about the conference that will bring some friends to Miami and breathe some fresh air into my writing, I forgot about the writing samples.

It's not a conference you would pick for me. I'm not a novelist, short story writer or poet. Yet I've found creative writing classes spark my writing like no copy writing course could do. True I have only taken two copy writing classes, but they involved what can only be described as formulas - the demon of any writing style.

Formulas make writing predictable, the last thing I need after years of business writing, brochure writing, marketing updates. I learned quite well how to conform to an AT&T standard that would get the job done. Good yes, but what toll it takes on the writing. I remember my mom calling one night to ask if I was mad at her. She read a recent letter back to me; the words weren't the issue but the business tone that dominated the note was. I signed up for a creative writing class within a week.

Creative conference - good idea. Assuming I could just open up an old document to send was a bad idea. The novel written over five years ago wasn't a quick 'send as an attachment.'

It was more like a demolition with new construction. But I was still doing good time wise. The synopsis took more time than I wanted. Time was still good that is until the question of editing came up.

I thought I knew the answer. I wanted feedback from my classmates and instructors about my writing not an editor's version of my writing. So the unedited but carefully groomed ten page manuscript was sent for classmates and instructors. Then I started the debate about what to do with the manuscript that would be read by a book agent.

You read right, book agent. By signing up for the full conference, you got a free manuscript review by your choice of a book agent or book publisher. I would've declined but what feedback carries more weight than whether or not your book is publishable?

Suddenly my well groomed manuscript looked a bit scruffy. Even in the notes of the conference they tell you to submit 'edited' manuscripts.

I have used an editor before, the year I was selected by human resources at AT&T to write a journal about my exciting marketing career at the firm (I still squirm to think that some college recruit signed up because of my prose). Some of you met Ursiline, the gal who had a tough mourning period when her pet rat died (I believe accidentally extinguished by the Orkin guy). Who says HR doesn't know how to pick'em. But then again they picked me. Oh yeah, then again they picked me.

Not knowing if Ursiline was her first or last name was one of several reasons I didn't try to find her for this assignment. I'd look elsewhere. My Ft. Lauderdale writing group has editors eager to come talk to us. But they come prepared with PowerPoint presentations with bullet-pointed lists on how to get published. Maybe it does all come down to formulas and I just don't know it.

So I went to my proofreader - a web site aptly named proofreadnow.com for I've never heard of anyone that wanted something proofread tomorrow. Sure enough, one of the proofreaders edits. She would've sent me samples but there was no time.

Her edits came back Friday. I finished the manuscript and synopsis about an hour ago. Before any sort of self-congratulation sets in, I remembered that tomorrow will be the day that I'll get all my classmates' manuscripts to read and comment on before the conference.

The process of critique, part 2

In discussing this with two bell-shaped heads (someone who works or has worked at AT&T, bell-shaped referring to the old logo) and a regular shaped head, the bell shaped heads totally agree this post is crucial. The regular shaped head, I'm sure, is still sitting at her laptop with her jaw on her chest.

So to those who work in a less dysfunctional firm, ignore this post.

We're talking about getting approval for your creative. You've got the creative all together; time to get it approved in-house.

RULE 1: Get individual approvals first from people you already know how they would react (good or bad). They become your references while you practice your approval speel.

RULE 2: The higher up you can go expecting a positive result, the better. Nothing says 'heel' to an erratic underling better than saying "your VP gave his thumbs up." Go high even expecting rotten results, no better reason for a 'do over' than a VP to say 'no go.' But if you can walk away with a doable 'to change' list from that dissenting VP you can work everyone underneath.

The other reason to go high early is that VPs have a fantastic view. High up, they see the bigger picture. And they'll truly listen to any rationale you have to why it is what it is. And if you listen, you'll get a glimpse of the larger picture. I've walked away from a Director meeting with an approval but I did it over just based on the feedback. I saw how the piece could be so much stronger. I love hitting bullseye, even if it's more work.

RULE 3: Never accept a blanket, "this sucks." Make the person detail exactly what they don't like about it. Unless they have their own agenda, I can almost guarantee you can walk away with a doable action plan.

RULE 4: Expect meeting-goer attempts to derail. You're in a meeting and someone not on your approval gives the creative a blanket "this sucks" and then refuses to discuss saying it's not the time or place. This is a bully tactic. Practice what you'll say because you have to act fast and speak loud, something along the lines of "you're right it's not the time or the place, so I'll disregard your comment." The naysayer has an agenda that probably has nothing to do with the creative, make him or her come to you and establish why they should have input.

RULE 5: Most importantly, this should be number one but I don't have time to renumber, be open to feedback even if it sets you back, even if you can't act on it.

RULE 6: Make people give you feedback. People are busy, sometimes it matters little to them what the web site says. If you get what you think is a no response, bring up something you think they may not like about it. Get them talking.