Regretting all in one state

How did I know AT&T regretted having so many people in NJ? Because the CEO told me so.

Impressive, but not so in this case. I got roped into 'Lunch with the CEO', a horrifying experience that one dreads as much as jury duty – you should want to go, but you really, really don't want to go.

'Lunch with the CEO'

'Lunch with the CEO' is a sit down lunch in the CEO's private dining room with about twenty other employees. The only thing you have in common with them is that they too are clinging with you on the same rung on the corporate ladder so very far below the CEO.

The lunch went (and evidently always went) with the CEO coming in to the dining room with all the diners already seated (Trump Apprentice style), he'd sit down and after a couple of minutes conversation about the weather, he would ask if we had any questions.

You wear a huge name tag, as if to get the conversation going. The name tag is so the CEO can stare at your chest for a moment or two then start his answer to any question you may pose with 'well Suzy, I'm glad you asked that...' You'd think he could sneak a couple of peaks at your chest while you were asking the question, but he's too busy eating. Thankful he didn't try to eat and answer Suzy's questions at the same time.

My seat mate was Suzy. Actually she posed a couple of interesting questions, unfortunately since the CEO was eating at the time, he misjudged where the voice came from. For the first question, he read my chest and then prefaced his answer with “Interesting question, Mary.” I could feel the heat as Suzy's face reddened besides me before she interrupted the CEO to say, “Sorry, that was me that asked the question.” The CEO actually took a moment to process that, although you could've easily interpret the look as the CEO giving Suzy the 'don't interupt me' stare. And sure enough after the awkward moment passed, the guy stared at her chest for a moment and then restarted the answer with “Interesting question, Suzy...”

As the CEO shook our hands as we left, he shook Suzy's hand and said 'thanks for coming', then he shook my hand and said, 'very interesting questions...(stare at my chest)...Mary.'

Ah the industry giant that he was. This was the CEO with the big ears. It was during this luncheon that I learned about AT&T's regret about putting all their headquarters and administrative buildings in one state.

Upside delusion, downside doghouse

It's true some folks, under some delusion that in a couple of years they'll be working directly for the CEO, think it's an honor to go to these luncheons. I knew nothing positive would come out of it. Even if the CEO thought my questions (I mean Suzy's) were the most insightful things he's ever heard, there'd be no 'let's give her this project to sink her teeth into', much less 'let's promote that gal with such great questions.'

There was however, possible downsides to the luncheon. If you didn't take it seriously - and that could take in a number of factors from dress, to make-up, to slang used, to not coming prepared with questions – your VP would hear about it. And the last thing a VP, who rarely ever speaks to the CEO without his executive VP present, wants a rare phone call from the CEO to be about you and your behavior at his luncheon. Most likely the call wouldn't come from the CEO himself but an assistant. But the mere thought that the CEO even thought to tell an assistant to call about an underling is traumatic.

I was prepared for the luncheon by my boss who was stunned that I got an invitation (I was never a 'golden hair' girl). The downside details were spoken to me in grave tones. My strategy going in was to simply sit there and look attentive, no questions. That was considered the safest for us all.

Calling all Ursilines

The manuscript that was edited? I was told to get a new editor.

The search for a new Ursiline, renewed. This might be worth paying $30 at one of those people search sites.

For my new friends, do a search on Ursiline. Too much to retell.

Writers' conference, that's all she wrote

"Writing workshops should make you want to write." A big thank you to Carol, one of my writing workshop mates, for telling me that last night. My internal pendulum was on a big swing on the negative side. Carol's sage thought brought it back down.

Yesterday was a pivotal workshop day for me. My manuscript was being critiqued in both of the workshops I was taking.

My morning workshop really liked the manuscript in a gentle 'needs work' kind of way. Overall, it was very positive feedback even on my faults. Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, if you can take one of her workshops do so. For me to spend part of my lunchtime after her workshop reworking my manuscript should tell you something. Her comments and the way she led the class on their comments - including mine - made a huge difference. I felt pumped leaving her workshop and I know I wasn't alone.

My other workshop is a different story. They hated the manuscript. As I'm known for exaggeration, I'll give you just a few of the critical comments given:

1. "It's just ten pages about checking into a hotel."
2. "Know nothing about the lead character and don't care to learn."
3. "The character could rent out some of her emotional space."

And these were just some of the teacher's comments! Think about it, given comment 2, does it not follow that comment 3 was directed at me. Probably not, but at the time it felt like it.

My classmates weren't any better. Yes the writer who wrote about the mother telling her daughter about her abortion for the 1,000th time hated it. The class and instructor loved her piece. The guy using yo yo tricks to kick start a homosexual relationship hated my piece. The class and instructor loved his.

I left this workshop, feeling devastated and perplexed. Luckily I stayed around for the cocktail hour and ran into Carol, the sage advice giver. I almost didn't make it into room holding the cocktail party, having to step around the afternoon workshop group just to walk into the place. But I did and soon after was feeling much better.

Writers' conference, a lot of work

I signed up for it. I paid good money for it. I've now worked my rear off for it, so I can't complain.

Let's review what work this has so far entailed:

• Rewriting, polishing and editing a 10 page manuscript (thankfully double spaced with 1.5" margins)
• Writing up a synopsis (one page summarizing 300, not as easy as it seems)
• Writing up a sales pitch (30 seconds which stumped me annoyingly for days, but now it's done)
• Researching who my instructors are (the conference notes highly suggests you do that, I don't know why when you know the first day of class they'll introduce themselves for about 10 minutes)
• And the worst part, reading and commenting on your classmates' manuscripts and synopsises.

Let's get the grammar and spelling mistakes found in my fellow students' work out of the way. When the spellchecker didn't understand you meant 'to' and not 'too', I'm guilty as much as you. When it's obvious you didn't bother to run the spellchecker is when I mind. I don't mind a few grammar mistakes sprinkled throughout, heck as long as I can read through it without having to figure out what you really meant, I'm good. It's just when you open the document in MS Word and the entire first page is underlined in green (meaning grammar errors galore or one long sentence fragment, I don't know which is worse), that I mind big time.

If English is your second language, I tried to read it in what I thinks is your first. I can do a decent job with Spanish, and the couple of the manuscripts I was able to do this with showed promise. You're talking to a woman who knows what it means to do marketing work in a locale that demands a language that isn't your first. My heart goes out to you.

The one writer that was Indian, I read just for plot. With a little more cultural information, I thought it had promise. That was the gist of my feedback. That said, get an translator/editor.

What seemed to drag me down was the topics people choose to write about. I'm a goody-two shoes queen (although I have seemed to have tarnished my crown recently by giving a quote about "papaya virgins" to a trade rag) so reading the following topics was extremely difficult even with the best writing (and no the topics weren't covered with any such skill):

• Mother telling her daughter why she got an abortion. The story ends noting that it was probably the 30th time she had been told about it.
• A gay guy tries to flirt with another guy (sexual orientation unknown) by teaching him yo yo tricks. Were there sexual innuendos abound in the tricks? Don't know. My comments were rather tame in the hopes that the author stays mum about such things during the class.
• Princess Diana didn't die, she had a terminally ill patient 'sit' in for her. You'll be glad to know that she was able to go to her son's wedding.

Conference starts on Wednesday, meeting Cheryl and hubby for dinner Tuesday night. I'm excited.