Regretting all in one state

How did I know AT&T regretted having so many people in NJ? Because the CEO told me so.

Impressive, but not so in this case. I got roped into 'Lunch with the CEO', a horrifying experience that one dreads as much as jury duty – you should want to go, but you really, really don't want to go.

'Lunch with the CEO'

'Lunch with the CEO' is a sit down lunch in the CEO's private dining room with about twenty other employees. The only thing you have in common with them is that they too are clinging with you on the same rung on the corporate ladder so very far below the CEO.

The lunch went (and evidently always went) with the CEO coming in to the dining room with all the diners already seated (Trump Apprentice style), he'd sit down and after a couple of minutes conversation about the weather, he would ask if we had any questions.

You wear a huge name tag, as if to get the conversation going. The name tag is so the CEO can stare at your chest for a moment or two then start his answer to any question you may pose with 'well Suzy, I'm glad you asked that...' You'd think he could sneak a couple of peaks at your chest while you were asking the question, but he's too busy eating. Thankful he didn't try to eat and answer Suzy's questions at the same time.

My seat mate was Suzy. Actually she posed a couple of interesting questions, unfortunately since the CEO was eating at the time, he misjudged where the voice came from. For the first question, he read my chest and then prefaced his answer with “Interesting question, Mary.” I could feel the heat as Suzy's face reddened besides me before she interrupted the CEO to say, “Sorry, that was me that asked the question.” The CEO actually took a moment to process that, although you could've easily interpret the look as the CEO giving Suzy the 'don't interupt me' stare. And sure enough after the awkward moment passed, the guy stared at her chest for a moment and then restarted the answer with “Interesting question, Suzy...”

As the CEO shook our hands as we left, he shook Suzy's hand and said 'thanks for coming', then he shook my hand and said, 'very interesting questions...(stare at my chest)...Mary.'

Ah the industry giant that he was. This was the CEO with the big ears. It was during this luncheon that I learned about AT&T's regret about putting all their headquarters and administrative buildings in one state.

Upside delusion, downside doghouse

It's true some folks, under some delusion that in a couple of years they'll be working directly for the CEO, think it's an honor to go to these luncheons. I knew nothing positive would come out of it. Even if the CEO thought my questions (I mean Suzy's) were the most insightful things he's ever heard, there'd be no 'let's give her this project to sink her teeth into', much less 'let's promote that gal with such great questions.'

There was however, possible downsides to the luncheon. If you didn't take it seriously - and that could take in a number of factors from dress, to make-up, to slang used, to not coming prepared with questions – your VP would hear about it. And the last thing a VP, who rarely ever speaks to the CEO without his executive VP present, wants a rare phone call from the CEO to be about you and your behavior at his luncheon. Most likely the call wouldn't come from the CEO himself but an assistant. But the mere thought that the CEO even thought to tell an assistant to call about an underling is traumatic.

I was prepared for the luncheon by my boss who was stunned that I got an invitation (I was never a 'golden hair' girl). The downside details were spoken to me in grave tones. My strategy going in was to simply sit there and look attentive, no questions. That was considered the safest for us all.